Me. At least after what I've been through.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
