Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have already put on my inside pants.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
