I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize