I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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