Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
