i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
