I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
