OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
