Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
