That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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