and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
