Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
