I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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