some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize