Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
