So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
