I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
