I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
