Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
