Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
