i think my tv is drunk
im about as happy as oj after his trial
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
