This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
