The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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