At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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