Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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