He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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