bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize