guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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