oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
