I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
