you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
