I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
