did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You made out with two different species that night
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
