You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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