Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
