take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Vodka?
Forever.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
