Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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