A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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