i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
