I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
