I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
