why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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