i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
