i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize