Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
