i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize