It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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