i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
