stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
