All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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