awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just googled if crying burns calories
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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