i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
