and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
