I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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