just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
