i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize