I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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