Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
