Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
