did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
