What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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