we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize