one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
