Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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