he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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