dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
