fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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