I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
